The information that you are about to read can be perceived as graphic in content or nature. These stories are not provided for shock value but to show the reality of the “sexual assault secret” and to hopefully raise awareness about sexual assault and to get people talking about it, deciding what to do about it and to get help if a sexual assault were to happen to them or someone they know.
The following excerpts are taken from Survivors: Experiences of Childhood Sexual Abuse and Healing by Khristine Hopkins.
|How did I feel?|
In pieces, fragmented, fearful that I would never be able to fit those pieces together- this part wife, that part child, never entirely myself, never really whole.
I was repeatedly sexually assaulted as a child by one of my mother's boyfriends. After that, I created a persona who was worldly enough to believe she had some control over the sexual aggression of others. What really happened was that I lost that part of myself that had known that I was worth more than an object.
It was hardly necessary to drug me into submission. Each childhood victimization reinforced what I had learned from my role in the family. Those in power would prove untrustworthy while I, mute vessel, sat panic stricken quiescent.
|I am disembodied...split in two...the lower half of me a woman's body, frozen, waiting for deliverance...the top half smaller, childlike, full of despair...alienated from my body, contaminated in my spirit.|
I was so tired of being in hiding. Like a child. I needed help to take my first steps out. Now I feel warmth soaking into my bones, nourishing my spirit, and I'm glad. I've been in the dark for long enough.
Surviving only means enduring in spite of the pain. In moments like this one, the pain dissolves as I accept and love the child I was. Each encounter makes me stronger.
Healing at last, we make a choice to pass through the fire, through the dark place, to give birth to ourselves, to become whole.
More Survivor's Stories
Survivor Story One
Survivor Story Two
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, immediately call the SARC:
(available 24/7/365) and follow the below guidelines for preserving evidence.
- Do not bathe, shower or douche.
- Do not change your clothes.
- Do not brush your teeth or use mouthwash.
- Do not use the bathroom, but if you must, save your voided urine for testing at the hospital.
- Do not eat, drink or apply/take any type of medication.
- Do not disturb or clean up the crime scene.